That I've Lived
by Time Lady Evangeline
Summary: When Gaius diagnoses Merlin with a brain tumor that is certain to leave him dead, Arthur is torn apart. However, he remains by his side faithfully, just as his manservant has always done for him. (One-Shot)


There was a bang at the door, making Merlin jump. He rushed over to open it. "Hello?" he said as he pushed the door. Arthur was slumped beside it, face red and panicked. Merlin was beside him in a moment.

"Arthur, what's wrong?"

"Merlin. Merlin, I-I… I can't." He struggled against Merlin, but the manservant managed to get his master inside and sit him in a chair. He was hyperventilating, and Merlin knew that if he couldn't get him to even out his breathing, he'd soon pass out.

"Hey, tell me what's wrong." He simply shook his head vigorously. "I'm just trying to help, Arthur, please." Still no reply. Merlin took his pulse and found it to be fast and yet still getting faster. "At least try to breathe. For me."

He drew in a shaky gasp, tears welling in his eyes. The king was able to stem them before they could force their way down his cheeks. It was then that Gaius walked in, immediately coming into Arthur's line of sight. The young man was gasping, trembling, panicking. "What's wrong with him, Gaius?!" Merlin asked nervously.

"I think he's having a panic attack. Fetch some cool water and a rag." When he was gone, Arthur gripped tightly at Gaius's shirt. "Tell me what you feel, Arthur. Explain it to me."

He choked on his words as he spoke, his voice edgy and frantic. "I-I can't breathe. My… My heart's going to jump out of my chest." He had to fight back yet more tears, to hold strong to one ounce of his dignity.

"Don't fight it, Arthur. It will only make it worse. Just try to breathe." Merlin returned with the rag and Gaius held it to Arthur's face. The cool feeling against his face calmed him, and his breathing began to return to normal. He finally succeeded and no tears fell, and he began to regain his composure. He still trembled and shook, but it was definitely an improvement from a few minutes before.

"I'm sorry. I… I don't know what came over me."

"Did something… trigger it?" Merlin asked, concerned. Arthur looked at his own hands, sitting in his lap, then shook his head.

Gaius sighed. "Merlin, take him to his chambers. I'll meet you in a short while with a draught for the anxiety."

"Right, come on then." Merlin helped Arthur up and walked with him to his bedroom.

The young king sat in a chair while his manservant lit a fire, watching him intently. He carried himself differently now, ever since…

"Does it still hurt you?" Merlin visibly tensed for a moment, relaxing solemnly as he turned to face him.

"I'm fine, Sire." He smiled gently.

"Yes, but does it hurt you?" Merlin sighed, shaking his head.

"You shouldn't worry about me, Arthur. It's not good for your health."

"And overworking yourself when you probably shouldn't be working at all isn't good for your health. Now, Merlin, does it still hurt you?" The younger man let out a half-hearted chuckle.

"Yes. But I… I manage perfectly fine."

"You know that you can take time off whenever you wish."

"I like to work."

"Let me rephrase that. You can take time off whenever you _need._"

"I'm not a child, I know my… my limits."

"You don't always act like it."

"Clotpole." Arthur smirked at the well-meant insult, glad that Merlin could still find humor in something. It was a good sign.

He thought back to when this entire mess had begun, several months earlier.

OOOoooOOOoooOOO

_"__Merlin! Where is my-" His sentence was cut short when the tray Merlin had been bringing in clattered to the floor, and Arthur's breakfast was everywhere. He'd just walked in the door, and Arthur's shout had thrown him off guard. _

_"__I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll go get more. I'm sorry." That was when Arthur knew something was amiss. His first thought was that something had happened to cause his manservant distress. He watched as he gathered the things from the ground, stumbling towards the door._

_"__Merlin?" The king stood from his seat and moved to his friend, who didn't seem to register it. "What's wrong?" _

_"__N-Nothing. I'm fine," he said, reaching down to pick up another of the dropped utensils. He swayed as he did so, nearly falling over._

_"__Woah now, come on. Have a seat. Someone else can pick up the mess."_

_"__Nonsense. Plus, I have to go get your breakfast… again."_

_Arthur gripped his shoulders and spun him around so that he was in front of the chair. He was worried when Merlin's legs seemed to fail him and he allowed himself to collapse into the chair without being pushed. "What's going on with you?"_

_"__I'm fine." Despite saying this, he leaned forward, pushing the palms of his hands into his eye sockets._

_"__No you're not. Did something happen?" _

_Merlin looked up at him. "Of course not. I've just… got a headache… is all." As he spoke, he assumed a position of resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands._

_ "__Has Gaius given you anything for the pain?"_

_ "__I took something on my own this morning. It's not a big deal, I get them all the time."_

_ "__And Gaius doesn't know?"_

_ "__He's got enough to worry about as it is."_

_ "__You could be actually sick."_

_ "__They're just headaches, Arthur. Nothing more." Arthur pulled up another chair and planted himself in it._

_ "__How long?" Merlin looked at him, not quite able to understand what he was asking. Arthur sighed. "How long have you had these headaches?"_

_ "__Oh. Only a while."_

_ "__How long is a while?"_

_ "__Maybe a month."_

_ "__And Gaius doesn't know about this yet?!"_

_ "__They are only really bad in the morning."_

_ "__That doesn't make anything better, Merlin."_

_ "__It's nothing I can't handle. Now, are you going to let me do my job?" he said, gesturing to the mess that still covered the floor. Arthur trusted his servant, despite everything. And if he said he was okay, then he was probably okay. Besides, Merlin was (kind of) an adult. Surely he could take care of himself._

_At least, that's what the king thought. He'd gone about his morning routine, turning his attention to paperwork as his manservant picked up the rest of the things he'd dropped and headed out the door. It was only a short while before he heard a loud crash and a pained cry, and was up and out the door in seconds, knocking his chair over and sweeping several papers off his desk. He saw Merlin, quite a ways down the steps, curling in on himself. " 'm sorry, Arthur. I'll clean it up." Arthur sighed, shaking his head._

_ "__Okay, okay. Did you hit your head?" He took care to speak gently._

_ "__I don't know. I don't think so." He blinked blearily, sitting up against the wall, still on the steps. _

_ "__How did you fall?"_

_ "__I just tripped. I'm okay."_

_ "__You've walked up and down this exact staircase for years, carrying much more than you were now. You didn't just trip, did you?" The manservant shook his head, confirming Arthur's suspicions. "It's alright, let's get you to Gaius."_

_ "__N-No. I'm okay."_

_ "__I don't care. Better safe now than sorry later." He helped Merlin to his feet, but the young man struggled to walk forward. "What's wrong?" Arthur asked him._

_ "__I can't… I don't know." Merlin was becoming frustrated with himself, unable to command his feet to do what he needed them to. The king understood that there was a problem, and lifted him with ease. Merlin was tense at first, ashamed of his weakness, but soon relaxed into his arms._

_The fact that he didn't struggle worried Arthur. He looked down and saw that he'd closed his eyes, and his brow was furrowed in pain. There were new lines on his face, ones that Arthur hadn't noticed before. The shadows beneath his eyes augmented his worn and tired features. The king wondered if he'd somehow done this to Merlin, if he was the reason for any, or perhaps all, of those lines that graced his ivory skin._

_They reached Gaius's chambers, and Arthur entered quietly, relieving his light burden onto his bed, in his little bedroom that overlooked much of Camelot City. Closing the door behind him, he went into the main room. Gaius was out with Gwen collecting herbs, so he left a note for him._

_ "__Gaius, Merlin is ill. Make him rest. I will return at dusk. –Arthur"_

OOOoooOOOoooOOO

The fire was lit, but a shiver ran through Arthur's body. Merlin took a blanket from the foot of the bed and draped it over him. "Since I assume you won't actually be getting into the bed."

"Thank you." The king's gaze was drawn to the window. "It hasn't snowed yet." Merlin stopped what he was doing and looked.

"No, it hasn't. I hadn't noticed. It's a shame, I love the snow." Merlin gathered his king's laundry in a basket. "I'll be back in a minute." Arthur nodded as he left.

He listened to his soft footsteps padding down the stone stairway, and heard them slow to a stop. It seemed odd, but Arthur figured he must have dropped something from his basket. It wasn't until he heard Merlin's soft, small voice call out for him that he realized something must have happened.

"Arthur?" He sounded tentative, almost frightened. Arthur saw him, holding tightly to the rail and staring blankly ahead. He approached him.

"What's wrong, Merlin?" Merlin turned his head his direction, but didn't look into his eyes.

"Arthur, I can't see."

"What do you mean?" Arthur didn't want to believe it.

"I'm... b-blind." Despite this horrifying realization, Arthur forced himself to at least sound calm.

"Okay. It's okay. We'll figure this out. I'm going to go-" Just then, as if on cue, they heard the older physician making his way up the steps. "Gaius!"

"Sire?"

"It's Merlin." At these words, Gaius flew up the steps at a speed that was remarkable for his age.

"Gaius," Merlin choked out, desperately trying to hold back his tears.

"What's wrong, my boy?" But before he could answer, Gaius had figured it out. "Oh." He took Merlin by the arm. "It's okay, you're gonna be okay."

"We shouldn't risk the stairs. Let's get him into my room." It wasn't far at all, and soon they had him settled into a chair, (after he'd refused to take the bed).

Merlin was silent, and it hurt Arthur's heart to look into those crystal blue eyes and not see the life behind them. This thought made him clench his fists, and he realized he was trembling. He looked to Gaius's bag, and saw the anxiety draught he had been promised. He took it and looked at Gaius for approval before downing it swiftly. His heart rate soon slowed to a comfortable pace and he could focus.

Gaius sat in a chair next to his ward, speaking gently. "I need you to tell all the symptoms you've had in the past few days to now. I need to figure out where we're at, and what we might expect soon."

Merlin sighed, then began to talk slowly, as if it were a chore, dragging out all of his words with some long spaces in between them. "I've been drowsy… and sluggish." Yes, Arthur had noticed that. "Kind of dizzy, and it's been harder to… to walk. The… The headaches are bad all the time now, they don't let… let up anymore. And my… my…" He held up his right hand, clenching and unclenching it softly, mouth open with the word on the tip if his tongue. Arthur was going to tell him, but Gaius shook his head and held a finger to his lips. "My r-right arm to my hand," he finally continued, "and my right leg to my foot… they've been weak. My vision was... blurred some of the time, but I thought that was as bad as it… as it would get. And I'm sure you've… noticed that m-my speech isn't the greatest."

"But there haven't been any seizures?"

"Not that I know of."

"You're sure?"

"I would've let you know if I had… sus-suspected anything."

"I trust you."

"What do we do now, Gaius?" Merlin was hesitant about the question.

"You need to rest." He sighed and agreed.

Arthur piped up. "I'll have a room prepared for him. Less stairs."

"You don't have to, Sire, really, it's-"

"Nonsense, Merlin. You will be well taken care of." That made the manservant smile and relax a bit.

"Thank you."

The arrangements were made, and they led Merlin to his new chambers. He sat on the edge of the bed, not really sure what to do with himself. Gaius excused himself to go make some medications for him. Arthur came and sat beside him.

"This is rubbish."

"You're telling me," Merlin answered, shaking his head. They fell into an uncomfortable silence, in which neither knew what they could say.

"It's getting late. You should try and sleep." Merlin nodded as the king stood. "I'll let you rest, then."

"Thank you, Arthur. For everything. I can perhaps manage some of my duties, it might take some getting used to, but-" He cut off as Arthur rested a steady hand on his shoulder.

"No chores. In fact… Merlin, do you own a proper set of ceremonial clothing?" The manservant was thrown off, completely dumbstruck.

"The… The feather hat?!" Arthur couldn't help but laugh.

"No, that's not what I meant. I'll have my seamstress make you some."

"What for?"

"For the ceremony, of course."

"What c-ceremony?" Arthur was walking towards the door.

"Your knighting ceremony." And then he closed the door behind him, leaving Merlin to take in what he'd just said.

Arthur caught Gaius on his way up. "Is he ever going to see again?" The old physician lowered his head.

"I did some more research, and I believe the tumor is located in the occipital lobe of his brain. If this is the case, then his eyesight won't return." Arthur's heart sunk.

"He doesn't deserve this," the king said, shaking his head.

"No, he doesn't… Now, I do believe you have duties to fulfill, Sire. And with your disappearance earlier, I think it best to assure the people that you are unhindered." The king nodded.

"Of course, you're right. Thank you, Gaius."

"Always happy to serve, Your Highness." Arthur could hear the melancholy sadness in the elder's voice. And so they parted, and the sounds of their footsteps echoed in the hallway.

It was nearly midnight when the young king had finally done all he needed to do. He stopped by Merlin's room, opening the door and slipping in quietly as to not wake him. His manservant had forgotten to snuff the candle, not being able to see that it was lit. Arthur paused a moment, remembering past events as he saw his friend asleep in the dim light of the room.

OOOoooOOOoooOOO

_Arthur returned that evening just as the sun went down to the physician's chambers to check on his manservant. He expected to see him up and helping Gaius, but instead he only saw the old physician sitting at his work desk, a rather large book open in front of him. However, he was not reading, and an odd expression etched into his old features, one that Arthur couldn't place. "Where's Merlin?"_

_ "__He's sleeping, Sire."_

_ "__Still?"_

_ "__Yes." It was then that Arthur could see that the man had a worried countenance, and while he assured himself that it was simply his fatherly manner towards Merlin that made him this way, he couldn't help but find himself worrying._

_ "__What troubles you, Gaius?"_

_ "__I've been surveying Merlin for a while now. He was showing some disturbing symptoms, but I'd hoped that perhaps it was nothing. But the events today confirm my fears." He slid the book over to Arthur, who took it and began to skim the page. It took a moment for the physician to speak again, but when he did, the king knew they were venturing into deep water. The old man's words weighted him down like an anchor, dragging him to the bottom of this metaphorical ocean. "He's been showing the first few of those symptoms for a while now. Now, with the other ones he's showing today, there's nothing else that could cause the problems he's having." The page Arthur was reading was about something called a brain tumor, a growth inside a person's brain that caused all sorts of trouble… and eventually death. Merlin was dying._

_Arthur closed the book gently, very much in shock. He set it down, walking over to the little door that led to Merlin's bedroom. He rested his hand on the wooden handle, but couldn't get himself to look inside. He rested his head on the door, holding back tears as his father's words echoed in his head. 'No man is worth your tears.'_

_Finally, he pushed the door open. The moonlight lit the room and he saw Merlin's silhouette, curled on his side, his chest rising and falling steadily. A small, still voice in his head wondered if one day soon it wouldn't rise at all._

_After that, things seemed to get a little bit better. Merlin had to work a lot harder to do everyday tasks, but eventually he got there. He begged and begged Arthur to return to his duties, but they were hesitant to allow him to do so. Neither Gaius nor Arthur had the heart to tell him, but after a few weeks Arthur knew that it wasn't fair to let him continue in that manner, that he deserved to know. One afternoon in late springtime, after asking permission from Gaius, Arthur took his manservant into the forest, to the top of a hill that overlooked Camelot's countryside. As the sun went down, he mustered up the courage to whisper the truth to his dear friend. Merlin's shoulders sunk as he realized what he was being told._

_ "__Oh." Silence hung thickly in the air, and all of Merlin's possible reactions ran through his head. He'd envisioned this conversation over and over, imagined that he'd be some degree of hurt, or that he might be angry that this information had been hidden from him. Perhaps he'd even be scared, it seemed that Merlin was that type. Arthur waited to see what would happen._

_ "__It's beautiful," he finally said._

_ "__What?"_

_ "__The sunset." _

_The king hadn't seen that coming. He didn't know how to respond, and after a few seconds, Merlin sighed._

_ "__Look, it's difficult, of course. But I'm not going to waste my time wallowing in pity. I've still got a job to do." Arthur looked at him curiously._

_ "__I've got to protect you. 'Until the day I die,' remember?" The king couldn't help but smile at that, hardly able to believe the selflessness of his manservant._

OOOoooOOOoooOOO

As he watched Merlin sleep, he could see the pain embedded in his features. He'd liked pretending that everything was okay, but as he watched Merlin struggle the realization finally hit him, as if a load of bricks and mortar had been dropped onto his shoulders. Merlin wasn't going to be around much longer. Arthur bit his lower lip, holding back the tears that seemed to taunt him, telling him he wasn't strong enough. 'No man is worth your tears,' the voice echoed. He used the back of his hand to wipe away the last of them, then turned his back and left the room.

The next day, Merlin heard a knock on his bedroom door. He was sitting up on his already-made bed, and granted permission for the person to enter. "Hello, love."

"D-Darcy?" He recognized the voice of the older maid, who doubled as Arthur's seamstress.

"Yes, I've brought you your robes."

"Oh, right... I can't believe he's… a-actually going to go through with... with this."

"You deserve it, more that anyone. Now, I've been instructed to help you into them. Looks like you're already dressed, but that's not a surprise. These just go over your normal clothes." Merlin stood and reached out for them. "Allow me to help you, Sir Merlin." She smiled, and he could hear it in her voice.

"I can d-dress myself, you know."

"Yes, but I'd like to be the one who puts the new knight into his robes. Besides, I worked quite hard on these. I'd like to see the job all the way through." Merlin smiled and held out his arms, allowing the woman to slip the robes over them. They were soft, and feeling the outside of the fabric, Merlin assumed they were velvet. He heard Darcy sigh in satisfaction.

"Perfect."

"What… color are they?"

"A lovely shade of dark blue. Compliments your eyes, it does. They're normally red, but you look wonderful."

"Thank you." There was a long stretch of silence, and Merlin knew the woman was trying her best to keep her cheerful demeanor. It truly was an awful situation.

"I'm so proud of you, Merlin." Her voice cracked, betraying her. Merlin walked in her direction, fumbling a bit before finding her shoulders. He used his thumb to wipe away the tears she'd shed silently, and she then began to sob. He wrapped her in a tight hug.

"It's… It's alright, Darcy. Thank you." She finally pulled away, nodding and wiping her face with the edge of her apron.

"I have to finish my chores. But I'll be at the ceremony tonight." He smiled brightly at her.

"Yes, of c-course. Thank you." The woman left, still drying her eyes. Arthur saw her exit and made his way up the steps to speak with her.

"All went well?"

"You were right, the blue looks incredible on him." Arthur nodded, looking towards the door. Darcy smiled at him, curtsying lightly before her king before departing. He continued up the steps and knocked on the door.

"You can come in." The door swung open, and Merlin turned so he was facing it. Arthur was speechless when he laid his eyes on his manservant. "Who's there?" Merlin finally asked, the silence making him wary.

"It's me." Merlin relaxed, then smirked.

"H-How do I look?"

"Great. Like nobility." Merlin face fell, and he was quiet for a moment as he found his words. "Why are you doing this? Is it only because I'm dying?"

Arthur understood his concerns, and took Merlin's hands, leading him to the bed. They sat together on the edge. "You've been my most loyal, most faithful servant for many years now, Merlin, and in the process, you've become my friend. By knighting you this evening, I will be able to finally break the wall of status between us."

"You mean that?"

"Of course." Merlin sighed, and a smile flicked across his lips.

"Thank you, Sire."

"Thank you, Merlin. Do you need anything?"

"No. I know these halls up and down like the back of my hand. I'll manage."

"Yes, I'm sure. You're breakfast will be arriving shortly. Gaius will be up here soon, too, I suppose. I have training with the five at noon, so I must go. I'll see you this evening." Merlin nodded, and Arthur left the room.

That evening, as the sun sat at the perfect angle to shine through the colorful stained glass windows of the throne room, Arthur knighted him Sir Merlin. Gaius beamed with pride over the men his boys had become.

The following reception was grand, and there was much celebration. Merlin sat by the king's side, overjoyed. There was great food and fine wine, and singing and dancing. The music was wonderful, Merlin had never heard sounds so beautiful. Arthur had intended it that way, knowing that he would not be able to see any of the festivities around him.

"I'm going to get some air," Merlin said to Arthur before slipping through the crowd delicately, with precision that might make someone forget he was blind.

"Wait, Merlin-" It was too late, he was a good distance away. The king didn't want him to be alone, so he began to wade through the crowded room in the direction the new knight had gone. By the time he'd reached the door, Merlin had been out for a few minutes, and Arthur had begun to worry about him.

He slipped out, and his fears were confirmed. Merlin laid a short distance away, his body convulsing. Arthur ran and was on his knees beside him in a matters of seconds, struck by horror. His former manservant's eyes had rolled back into his head, and he was completely unresponsive. Gaius had talked to Arthur about this, this was a seizure. He'd told him that the best thing he could do was remain calm and make sure the boy didn't hurt himself. Arthur knew that was what he was supposed to do, but seeing Merlin this way made him panic. He became short of breath and incapable of handling the situation. "Help! Gaius, someone, anyone, help! Please!" he bellowed, his voice echoing. The doors to the banquet hall swung open, and Arthur yelled again for assistance, preferably that of the court physician. In a few moments, the commotion inside the room died down, and all the remained was the king's desperate pleas for someone to help his friend.

Merlin stilled, and for a sickening moment, Arthur thought he was dead. But he opened his eyes after several heart-wrenching seconds, and the king wrapped his arms around him, trembling. Gaius rushed towards them, assessing the situation. "Let's get him to his room, Sire. I'll get the medication and meet you there." Silently, Arthur did just as was requested. He lifted Merlin delicately, as if he were made of porcelain. Everyone attending the feast was hushed by the cloud of gloom that had settled upon them. Merlin had always been the one to make all of their lives a little bit brighter, ever since the day he'd stepped foot in Camelot. It wasn't fair that he was losing his.

He only became more ill from that day forward. He still forced himself out of bed each morning, still forced himself to keep going. When he was strong enough, he wandered the castle. When he wasn't, he sat in his room, facing the window as he reflected upon what he'd become.

While he was serene and accepting, the king was becoming a nervous wreck. Every time someone came to speak with him, he held his breath until he was assured it was not to deliver the news that would soon tear him apart. He spent every free moment with Merlin, even the not-so-great moments in which the former manservant would empty the contents of him stomach, or be so sluggish and confused that he could hardly comprehend what was happening around him. Other times, he was simply in so much pain he couldn't speak. But Arthur was always there, always by his side, just as Merlin had done for him for so many years.

However, the king still had his duties to the kingdom and to his people, despite his firm belief that if Merlin was going to stop, then the rest of the world needed to stop with him. He was holding a training session with his elite group of knights, Sir Leon, Sir Elyan, Sir Percival, Sir Lancelot, and Sir Gwaine, when he realized a familiar face was lurking along the sidelines. Without a second thought, he tossed his sword aside and went to him. "I hadn't seen you there, Merlin."

Noticing him now, the other five joined their king in welcoming their beloved friend. The young man smiled brightly from his seat on the grass, a sad sight to see when he had become so decrepit. "No, p-please, continue," he urged. Arthur removed his cloak and draped it around him. It was cold out, the middle of winter, though the sky still hadn't released its blanket of white upon the land.

They worked a while longer before calling it a day. Arthur went to Merlin and helped him up, and they walked together, slowly, the king's red cloak still around his former manservant's shoulders. "I want to go to the… hill again, Arthur. The one you took me to last sp-spring. Can we do that?"

"I have to ask permission from Gaius. If he allows it, we'll go tomorrow."

"What about today? It's not too far. I'd like to go before… before sunset. And you're busy tomorrow." It was true, but Arthur was afraid to take an impromptu trip without adequate preparation, especially with Merlin in the condition he was in. "Let's go now, Arthur. We'll be back by d-dinner." He reached forward and found the king's sleeve. "Please." Though his eyes were dead, Arthur could sense the urgency through his voice, and knew that he had plenty reason for such urgency.

"Alright. Come on." He took him by the hand and led him to the stables, helping him onto the horse before climbing on himself. He wanted to try and be back before Gaius realized they were gone. They managed to arrive just as the vibrant colors of the evening sky began to dip below the horizon. Merlin sighed in contentment.

"Thank you, Arthur. I couldn't... ask for more than this."

"You should. You deserve much, much more."

"This is my… my lot in life. There's nothing wrong with th-that."

"You can't even watch the sunset. It's not fair, you at least deserve to watch the sunset."

Merlin lifted his eyes towards the light, and though he only saw darkness, he felt so much more. "I know what it… looks like. I can… I can picture it, it's all here, in my h-head."

"How can you still see the world in a positive way, Merlin, when it has granted you so much less than what you gave it?" At this, a small, sad smile played at his lips.

"I could choose to waste my time and grieve over the fact that I'm dying, or rather, rejoice over the fact that I've lived." The sentence came out smoothly, as if he'd rehearsed it.

"But you could have lived so much more."

"P-Perhaps. But I'm happy with the life I was given, Arthur. I think that I've l-lived more in this short time I've been… allowed to be here than some people live in their entire lives. And I hope that's how you view my… my… my existence. Now, and after I-I'm gone."

"Of course."

"I can't th-thank you enough for all you've given me. You've given me a… life worth living."

"You've done that and so much more for me. Thank you, Merlin."

They sat as the sun disappeared and night fell, and Arthur helped Merlin onto the horse once again. He sat in front of Arthur, and fell asleep as they rode back home. Arthur carried him to his room, making sure he was comfortably in bed before snuffing his candle and leaving.

The next afternoon, King Arthur Pendragon was in a meeting with the Council of Foreign Affairs, when Darcy walked in, head hung low. The Council observed her as an intrusion, but Arthur stood immediately and crossed the room to meet her. She looked up at him with a tearstained face, and he was afraid it had already happened. "He hasn't got long, Sire. Moments." The king hastily excused himself and sprinted to the room that belonged to his dearest friend. Darcy followed him at a slower pace, sobbing.

Gaius was there, and Gwenivere, along with the five of his most trusted knights, stood around the bed. They made room for Arthur when he arrived, and he took Merlin's feeble hand. He had the shadow of death over his once lively features, and every breath he drew seemed to be incredibly taxing. "It's okay, Merlin. I'm here." He visibly relaxed at the sound of Arthur's voice, and it was obvious he was ready to let go.

Arthur's gaze flicked to the window when he caught a glint out of the corner of his eye. Snowflakes were falling against the window. He gasped, looking down at his dying friend. "It's snowing, Merlin! It's snowing, I… I wish you could see it."

"I… I love the snow." Merlin managed to whisper. It was then that the king had an idea, one last thing he could do for his friend. He scooped up Merlin's frail form, hardly a difficult task, and made for the door. He began to rush down the steps, knowing that he didn't have much time. "Hang in there, not too much longer, I promise." He saw the palace doors. "We're nearly there."

Once outside, Arthur knelt with Merlin's head resting on his lap. "It's snowing, Merlin!" The young man smiled up at him.

"Arthur… th-thank you." But he was gone before the first snowflake could fall upon his cheek. The king clutched his body, and as tears brimmed at the edges of his eyes, the voice that haunted him spoke. 'No man is worth your tears.'

No. Merlin was worth his tears. And so King Arthur Pendragon sobbed in that lonely courtyard, holding tight to his best friend long after the life had left him.

"Thank you, Merlin," he cried. "Thank you for everything."

At first, Gaius worried about Arthur. If the death of the young man would have a lasting toll on him, and in effect, the kingdom. But after the initial stages of mourning had passed, King Arthur Pendragon held tight to one thing, one thing that his dearest friend had said to him:

_"__I could choose to waste my time and grieve over the fact that I'm dying, or rather, rejoice over the fact that I've lived."_

And so Arthur was a good and wise king, who was not blinded to the truth, and the kingdom of Camelot flourished, all in the memory of a certain bright, young manservant who'd been robbed of life, and had fulfilled his destiny in a way no one, not even the Great Dragon, could have foretold.


End file.
